Nice shirt, asshole.

Confession time, you guys.

I’m a Mets fan.

Always have been, always will be – baby, I was born this way. Believe me, I sure as hell wouldn’t have picked this team given the choice. I was born into a family of diehards, still riding high on a world series victory in ’86, fully unaware that I’d be 24 years old one day with no victory, let a lone a .500 team in sight.

It sucks too, because I grew up about an hour an a half outside of Philadelphia. Which you think wouldn’t be a problem, but in when the Phils won in ’08 it turned my entire area into a zone of fair-weather a-holes. Quick to put-downs, failing to remember that their team still has the most losing record in sports. I digress.

My point is, its hard being a New York fan here. Like I’ll wear my ball cap and get dirty looks often. Another time I was sitting at a bar and this girl on the other side yelled out, “You’d be cute if you weren’t a Mets fan.” Which was interesting, because if she hadn’t yelled and got my intention, I would have never paid attention to her. Ever.

One time I was out at a diner with some friends – the kind of diner where the food isn’t necessarily ‘good’, but you’ve been coming there for so long, it hardly matters anyway. The kind of place where you can buy a cup of coffee, and just kind of loiter for a while. We had a waitress that was a little bit older than us, and otherwise give us pretty decent service. For a diner, anyway.

We finished our meal and got up to pay, and on the way out, our waitress passes right in front of me. She turns and says, “Have a good night, hon’. And the Mets suck.”

And this shocked me.

I mean, yeah, Lancaster county, Phillies area – I get it, you’re funny.

But she is a waitress. A waitress who I frankly probably over tipped because the bill was so low. Her only job is to basically bring me my food and not insult the diners.

You can’t just call out people who come in because of the things they wear – that’s reckless behavior. That doesn’t work in most situations.

“Special Olympics? Yeah, I bet your mom was in the special olympics!”

“Johnson Family Reunion 2003? Lame!”

“Hey man, nice sweatshirt. You went to the Outer Banks? Fuck the Outer Banks!”

You can’t do that. Maybe I need to move, but you just can’t do that.